The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

22:14 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 570

Oh god, AHAHAHAHA! I think 1,000 ways to die wants me to die laughing. Lmfao!! XD



This artist dude made a sculpture to well, do, if you know what I mean, and he got himself stuck. xD I don't know why I'm laughing so much. lol After he got out, he fell over and the woman statue fell on top, killing him.



I love that they use big words too. "To have coitus with a statue.." lmfao. xP



Then they had one where a woman was escaping a cult marriage. One thing about me is that I never shut up during a show or movie. I was saying, "Run, bitch, run." XD She lived in the show because the man chasing her got killed by his own spike trap. o.0

20:05 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 572

So, someone from the Monkees died, huh? Glad I saw one of their concerts last summer.

06:02 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 584

Going to bed.

Shutting all the lights.

Knock over the soda can someone told you to put away.

The soda can was new, unopened.

Boom, soda grenade. Everywhere.



I. Am some sort of stupid. >_>

05:01 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 592

He came over. I hid in my bedroom because I don't want to say something I'll regret. I hide from people when I hate them. It's for the best. >.>



He said it looks like there was a flood from the people above us and it wasn't our fault. Well no shit, huh? That still doesn't help the fact that the fire dept was called on us. Still doesn't fix the fact that you're all rude ass bitches, including the scary authority figures. That is one reason why I don't exactly like authority figures. Not because I'm bad myself, some of them are just power hungry asses who jerk off on scaring the shit out of you. Others are actually doing their job and I respect that. Example, the few other men who didn't open up their mouths who were behind the major fucktard of a fireman. Those were nice people!



If anything, it should have been that the bitchcakes down stairs should have called it on the people above us. They're just pissy because they hate us and cause us problems all the time.



-Sigh- You know what I need? A nice long walk somewhere random. And maybe a talk with someone I miss, simply because I wish I had an embrace from them. I need a little hope back.

20:06 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 598

What is this a game? He still hasn't showed up to "Fix" anything when he said he'd be back. It's been hours past the time. I wasted my own valuable time, waiting. This is honestly a really fucked, cruel game. I wish mom would sue or something.

13:59 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 608

I've tried to stay positive about these things. As you can see, it was harassment since they can't find a single thing to fuck us over with.



I'm going to stay guard of my apt, as stupid as that sounds, for a while. Fuck job searches. I'd only get payed shit anyway. I only wanted a job for stupid reasons. Like maybe for once, enjoying myself, making friends, being more social, like I was once upon a fairy tale ago. Plus, maybe supporting others? But hey, fuck that! I'm a loser!



This place can be my social outlet, for now, I don't even want to think. I over think things and panic about shit. Cheers to hoping next month will be better.

08:19 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 617

Sitting on the kitchen chair. More like, holding onto it. My knees on the seat part. Just breathing. One tear drop on the left slowly changing from warm to ice cold as the wind hits my face. The cat, kissing my feet, nudging, trying to be comforting. The howling of the air. One hand holding onto a warm cloth up against my ear. I could just fall asleep there.

08:02 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 618

Entry before was for venting. Sorry if I offended anyone but for fucks sake, people who say it's nothing when they scare us like that have got to be mental. The world has bigger problems than for them to mock us, right?



Anyway, I'm calm now. It's so overly stuffy here for some reason that I have a window open for fresh air too. I can breathe even with an anxiety attack from this shit.



Oddly enough, I was so close to making a journal entry a few days ago poking fun at the fact that for some crazy reason, I had a dream about fire men. Like how pervy can I get huh? Well, guess it wasn't because of pervyness. I should listen to these warnings. I know, people don't believe in dreams telling any future but hell if that ain't fishy.

07:18 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 621

I swear, you need a prize to be me. To live through the bullshit I do. At around 1:30am, the fire dept was at out door. Banging it as hard as they could because they enjoy that. We were all sleeping. :| They complained that there was a flood and the people downstairs are the ones that reported it.



We asked for time to get dressed. We didn't take that long. I needed to help my mother and I wasn't exactly happy or ready for this. :| They come in, the fire man yells at us because of course he gets off on it and then tells us that the super has to be here till he fixes the problem. Well guess what?! WHAT PROBLEM?! WHAT?!! They all left and the super is supposed to come back later. Guess I can't go out and apply for stuff because I don't trust him and live in a life where I have to guard my home from fucktards. :|



All, I need to do is breathe. I really hate this. Welcome to another entry of "The normal shit that happens to me", staring, me getting fucked over by stupid ass people. I have no respect for idiots who yell at us over nothing. I don't care if they save lives. I hope they all die.

22:08 Feb 27 2012
Times Read: 627

I applied for what I needed to for today, now I have to play the waiting game and go back tomorrow for more to apply to. I looked awesome. Even the turtle neck I had was okay. lol It hid my tattoo.



I also got the glasses I was waiting for. Purple metal frames and a brown tint as usual.

The funny part when trying them on was that one side of the frame got caught on my ear bar for a while. xD I have got to be more careful. lol

12:39 Feb 27 2012
Times Read: 640

Nothing will ever be as great as a wonderfully made chocolate coffee in the morning. D: Can, why you gotta be so small? I wish I had more.



I've decided that I'll take my chances with freezing my ass off. :D I'm so doomed. lol

12:02 Feb 27 2012
Times Read: 643

I'm going to go out early and stuff today. The question is, should I wear pants or a skirt. Maybe a skirt, that way I can freeze my ass off. >.o

18:10 Feb 26 2012
Times Read: 658

I hate thinking about it. Research pays off. I looked up the job event for the 28th and it said it was for, basically people in the ghetto. >.> Damn it. That slims down my chances more. I'm still going to go though. I'm in the borough so I still have a chance. I'll take my chances.



Fuck, I need a break in life. I feel lucky. lol

07:03 Feb 26 2012
Times Read: 673

Them Bones.

01:10 Feb 26 2012
Times Read: 684

Whenever people ask me what my favorite movie is, I'll always respond with The Warriors. A movie that was made back in 1979. The novel was made by Sol Yurick in 1965. I don't like the book as much. It's the movie that really brings it all in.



Why would I love a movie based on a fake gang so much? I guess it just sort of reminds me of my adventures. The subways, the transferring and good old Coney Island. If ever I'm lost, I always want to make it back to Coney, just to find my way home. That's what I live by.



Now, not much has changed as far as the scenery goes. However things like graffiti on the trains themselves and going under the boardwalk? Hah, gone with the 80's and early 90's. Not that I was ever alive then. I'm from 1991, man. :P Oh yeah, and tokens? Lol Nothing but metro cards these days. Here's the opening.

05:39 Feb 25 2012
Times Read: 699

Oh god. xD That awkward moment where you're friendly with your friends and someone starts a conversation with another person who has a variation of the name Rose, but in your infinite vain wisdom you answer them. xD Made for a good laugh.



I haven't seen that friend in so long. lol Last time I bumped into them I was when I was on a date with someone... xD Talk about awkward again. Awkward is.. funny. :P

18:51 Feb 24 2012
Times Read: 715

Haha. Some people make me laugh. Some friend of mine who I have added on another site; all of her pictures are photoshoped. So she has a status about not wearing her piercings anymore because it's time for the real world and it's like bitch please, you don't have piercings. lolol You added those in. I don't understand some idiots. xD They probably don't know her in real life.



I'm not just saying this, I mean every picture isn't a normal picture. Even her eyes are all sorts of colors.

01:54 Feb 23 2012
Times Read: 737

We went to the movies after the dentist. :D It was a last minute thing. Ghost Rider two for the Wednesday special. I love that movie! It was worth seeing. Lol, "Flamethrower". Wonder if he can write his name in the snow. >_>



The best part was probably when I had jumped over the seats so I could help someone else up and and when I landed, my ankle got stuck in between the ones I jumped. xD My poor ninja skills. :P Seat just wanted to eat my foot! o:!



I have been feeling really happy the last few days. I hope it stays that way. Also found some art work from when I was 14 but I'll post it when I can be bothered. lol

14:59 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 743

Those were some really bad dreams in a good way. >_> Why the hell did someone wake me up? D: Oh yeah, the trip to the dentist.

01:11 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 756

So, I got a pair of normal glasses. Not that I'll use them much. I don't like regular glasses because they're for nerds I tell you! NERDS! D: D:



I don't like my eyes anyway. haha. Great how my eye doctor could do this pair and not give me my tinted ones. They always have to fuck something up, huh? -.-

16:10 Feb 21 2012
Times Read: 770

Articles like this make me drool. :( Only cause I can't afford all the nice things. It's my favorite shop. :P



Click

22:33 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 779

Applied to different jobs. I don't know what else I can think of. I will figure that out once the 28th comes around so I could visit the baseball park where they're supposedly having some sort of job fair thing. To bring back to the community or something. Whatever their excuse is. lol



I applied to Nathan's but will only try that out if it's that one. Then to the New York Aquarium as cleaning staff. It says there's only one job in that area so my chances are slim. Lastly I applied to Luna Park as clean up staff or ticket sales.



I'm getting my hopes up because I adore that area. Who wouldn't want to get paid to work in an area they grew up with and become a beach bum? :D It's like going to the beach every day just to sniff the sea air. :P Can't get sick of that. Dream job! >_> I'mma end up hurt when I get nothing. xD

19:58 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 782

Woo! Hours later I feel better. :D Coughed up all the phlegm.



I was surfing on my FB to one of the Coney pages. They say that they have summer jobs for people. I'm going to apply. I mean, they even have jobs for people to work at Nathan's Famous. The original. Now, I do hate fast food places, and all that but.. it's THE Nathan's! The one where they have the hot dog eating contests. I think, I just might take a chance and apply. :P

16:41 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 795

I'm glad that I'm over the whole allergy thing. Guess it did have to take a full day to get out of my system.



I hate waking up not being able to breathe well. >.- Sharp pain in my chest. Heh, mom wants to take me to the ER. Fuck that. I can get over this. Just need to breathe.

04:38 Feb 19 2012
Times Read: 814

Omg. o: Wouldn't you know how ironic it is that I mentioned how funny the movie "Victor/Victoria" is in a forum somewhere and that I wanted to watch it again. So I look up what I want to watch on TV because I had to stay home being sick, and bam, it's on at 3am. :D



I've only watched the movie once and loved the scene where she plants a roach in her food. xD



I'm sure that I've gotten enough rest during the day to be up at that time. :P My sister had fun at the party I didn't go to. She's still there because they're having the cake late. My mother insisted on babying me and staying home too. xP Sweet of her.



I made corned beef, cabbage and red potatoes. Which is most of what I ate today because food scared me for a while. lol

22:31 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 818

Oh no. It's coming back again even though I haven't scratched. I'm wearing long sleeves and everything to tone down my want to. I don't want to end up going to the ER for this. :| I hate the doctor's that I used to have, so... yeah. That would be one long, unwanted night. I'm going to do the stupid thing and wait on it.

17:08 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 821

I was supposed to head over to a friend's party today but I don't know if I want to. For now, I'll still enjoy myself giggling over idiotic cartoons. >_> I just want to stay away from unknown food for a while. :x

13:32 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 826

Thank god for allergy meds. I ended up knocked out for a long time. When I woke up no more raised red spots. o.o Only left over scratches from where I couldn't help myself.



I have no idea of where that came from. Possible food allergy? I don't know. ._. All I remember is that I was bright red, almost everywhere. Hands, neck, legs, torso, head, everywhere. It was not a good feeling.



I want to figure out what caused it but I have no idea. The only thing I ate that was different was Chinese food that we ordered. Maybe they didn't clean something well and cooked near fish? If so then I don't even know what kind of fish I'd even be allergic to since I never even eat it. Looks like I won't consider eating fish any time soon, or that restaurant. I'm just glad that I'm okay. x.x

04:45 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 833

Fucking red spots in areas I never even scratched. >.o

I know it has to be some sort of allergy but to what I do not know. Can't be anything else. Hope the meds I took kick in soon. x_x

03:35 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 835

I wish I had a straight jacket. For some reason I'm itchy all over. I know I fucked up an arm just by scratching with my long nails. :x



I'm better than that. I need self control. Fucking allergies. x.x

01:54 Feb 17 2012
Times Read: 843

Today was okay after we dealt with some unwanted company again. On the plus side-



I was watching some stupid internet cartoons because I've never really watched some series before. One series was okay but not that good and the other was fucking funny. The woman was like, "Shoes? I only own boots and sandals." That's so what I do. haha Then there was one with tentacles. lmfao I'm going to watch all of it.



Also, we have chocolate covered cherries that we made at home! o: MMMMMM, mm, mmmmmm. Chocolate covered grapes and bananas too. :3

15:27 Feb 16 2012
Times Read: 850

Despite yesterday being full of boring, the highlight of my day had been when a huge cranky old man walked into the store I was in. He grumbled, "Bunch of freaks outside...", then looked at me and said, "Miss... you've got blood on your neck..". LOL I walked out ignoring him. I love when people get creeped out by my tattoo.



This morning was fun. I dozed off in one of the living room chairs. Only to be woken up by tons of nuzzling and kitty kisses, along with marching. It's like getting a face full of fuzz. O.o I don't think that helps with my allergies/cold but it's always worth it. She was probably thanking me for the cookie that she stole last night. xD

Out Like a Light
11:21 Feb 15 2012
Times Read: 854

Sleeping, and sneezing. Can't help but do what I have to later and tomorrow. At least someone will let me buy the things I've needed all week. Or, I can just rot. -MumbleMumbel-

20:44 Feb 14 2012
Times Read: 859

I'm not doing much for this holiday but it doesn't mean I hate it. It's the second most favorite of mine. The first being Halloween because the kid in me will always live on.



I say, if you're alone, it's the best time to snatch someone else who is lonely. Not that I plan on any of that. This year is different.



I remember back when I was a little girl in elementary school, all the chocolate and stuff I'd get from guys. hehe. Maybe that's why I'm not as sore as some. I was loved. :P

07:43 Feb 14 2012
Times Read: 868

So how do you feel about it now?



"They're okay. I didn't like the look of them before, but now that you have it..."



Good. :)



"I just wish I could get it done but I'd scream before the guy ever stuck me with a needle."



Lol I like how she accepts it now. xP I think all this time she might have been scared, knowing she'll never get any of this, she can live it through me. lol

09:36 Feb 13 2012
Times Read: 877

Times like these, I wish I could sleep upside down. >_> Damn those vampires!

Can't believe I'm saying this but,
02:20 Feb 13 2012
Times Read: 879


Cold is good. Real good.

08:39 Feb 12 2012
Times Read: 892

It's mighty hard to sleep. Not regretting, not getting the tatt these days. Would have been even more awkward than it is now to rest. lol Only 2 hours of sleep? Pftt. I need more because I know I'll never get any during the day. Since I have to take care of others.



Surprisingly, it still doesn't really hurt much unless I want to sleep. I got good advice, once again from Katie about how to keep it clean and whatnot. :P Don't think I would have even had enough guts if it wasn't for her friendly advice.

05:47 Feb 11 2012
Times Read: 912

Boo! I didn't get a tattoo because the skin needs to heal more. It's almost and I have my 5$ off thing for next month. ;)



I spent the 60$ that would have been for my tattoo on two industrials. One for each ear. The first one bleed a lot. The second not so much. I feel like I need a self slap in the face. That didn't hurt at all. XD Why was I ever scared? >_>



It was sort of good that I got to leave by 12am. If I had been any later then I wouldn't have gotten home well. ._. The buses stop running for a few hours. When I went to the bus stop, some creeper asked if I needed a lift. >.o I ain't a whore or a hitch hiker. I said no and the bus came!



Mommy doesn't approve of my piercings. :3 HAHAHA! At least I was truthful. ;P

The left:



The right:

21:37 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 920

I have an hour and a half left to wait at home. If the people don't come then I give up for the night so I can get my tattoo done. As for the piercing, I'm nervous as fuck, but I'll still be laughing. I'm a bit twisted like that. Unless it's unbearable pain, I'll laugh my ass off. lol



The tattoo shop opens up late and get bunches of people. I know I might be back really late. It all depends. Ohgod. lol No one talk me out of this! It's taken years to get me to this point. xD

12:48 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 931

Okay, the entry under the last, wanna know what it's about? >_> I have a phobia of piercings. I didn't always. As a little, little girl I always wanted earrings. I got mine around when I was 6 or 7. I don't remember the pain at all. I just remember that it was infected then which probably gave me my phobia in the first place. Also seeing street fights in my life time. That scared me too.



So, I secretly always wanted an industrial because I thought the bars looked pretty. There are ones with spikes and all kinds of awesome. I'm just a wimp. I'll be nervous but fuck, I'm the strong type. Bring it mo' fo'. :P



I'm also going to have to hide it. lol Someone disagrees with it. haha I just figure, I'm an adult, I've gotten things like tattoos before so what's so bad about the other thing?



As for the tattoo that I might get today, I don't know if they'll be able to really do it but I'll ask. I hope they can. It's funny because I'm not scared of tattoos at all. I seriously laugh when they needle me. o.o

12:17 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 937

Nothing says, "WTF did I do last night? O_O", like taking a morning shower and noticing a huge ass bruise covering the top half of your left leg. o_o Really, wtf DID I do? O.o

10:46 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 938

I wonder if I got something that no one would have to know about for a while, if I would get in trouble later on. How hard would it be to hide something anyway? :x



Don't know. Do I have the guts for it?! Well do I punk!!



Oh god I'mma regret something. lolol But not really. I'm just gonna do something sick to my stomach. xP Damn phobias! That's if I do it. Can't tell till tomorrow.

02:45 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 942

So... looks like I over worried this morning. -.- They didn't come yet but that means they'll show up tomorrow. I did so many chores that it's super shiny. I'm proud of myself.



The kitty wouldn't leave me alone all day because she knew I was upset. Her expressions and such, I need to capture that on camera more often. Just like the gem avatar that I have. It'd be fun to have more like it.



My sister was a bit better behaved today when she got home from school. She had no mess to worry about. I did all the work. I did it because I selfishly want a tattoo and I need something to mess with. Keep my mind off of the bad.



Hmm, other than that, she put up this annoying poster behind me. o.o With thumb tacks. I noticed because when I moved my arm back I ended up with two big cuts. -.-



Ah, we have two chances of unwanted guests coming over tomorrow. I will probably sleep early.



I hope I don't think too much before bed. I'm still nervous about these assholes. They'll find anything to pick on. Nothing is ever easy. I need to grow up more. I need to think of life without, them. Just being me. By myself. It's hard. One day though, it'll happen.

19:02 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 956










See, I'm good at debating. I just don't understand when people contradict themselves.



"girls getting a bunch of tats is not attractive ... If you have beautiful skin ladies, don't ruin that by inking your body" And then oh make sure it means something. Okay so all girls who get it are scum and ink "ruins" a body? Pftt, only to brainless idiots in the first place. After that, just ladies are bad? Why? Men can be just as brainless! I believe in equal rights damn it. :P



If anything, I think it creates more appreciation for the skin because one has to take care of it. I know that's the case for me. I didn't use to give a shit about my skin and now I love it! Hey, at least he "liked" my comments.



Never mind that, I'm getting inked tomorrow because I've been a good girl. :D Helped out a bunch and said pay me in ink. Still stressed but trying to make the best of things. :)

PRIVATE ENTRY
14:45 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 960


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

12:32 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 965

I'm scared shitless. Ideally, I'll make things better like always. I don't like typing about this and don't expect readers to read it. This is the kind of stuff that drives people away if anything.



I feel the need to type it. Have in private entries and deleted it.



See, a few years ago, I was fresh out of high school and there was a summer of expected fun. I had my college application filled out. Which I later found out had been lost through the cracks of the system because of old address information. So, good, huh? That was the first step towards rock bottom. At least I had passed high school. I have no desire to go to college now.



During that summer, my mother had a few problems. Then the super to this place, hated us because of the noise my sister would make around our apt. So, they made a report. And... I can't bring myself to say much after that, nosy readers will have to figure it out in context. In reality, we didn't do much wrong. They're just pricks. And of course we'd never lay a hand on one another, with the exception that my sibling likes to play fight while I'm the punching bag. o.- What can you do? Kids like to play and you gotta be strong. I'll do anything to make people laugh, y'know.



It took a lot for us, and out of us. Days upon days of no rest. Just to be with her. Days of stupid people and unwanted company. Days were I was falling apart just to take care of them. Cast aside the fact that when filling out some services, I didn't have them for a long amount of time. No things like dental, medical or what have you. I was only lucky that my infection of that summer was taken care of before the services were shut. Worst summer of my life. That was only the tip of the worst days of life, just a few years ago in 2010.



See, I'm scared. I still feel like a kid in ways. I'm only 20. I have till I'm 21 to still get any sort of free medical. Not that any of that matters. I'm not that sick. Just stressed enough to have oddities, of which I'll never talk about, ever. See, I'm not a self harmer, or a murderer. However, under stress my body will do stupid things. Small example, I'm not much of a crying type. If I do cry, chances are that trying to cry leads to a panic attack where it gets hard to breathe. That's only a light example.



I'm a good girl. I'm also a loser. I don't have a job because I can't find one and rejection hurts. If I had one I would support my small family. I help my mother all the time and my sister.



Right now ... since there was yet a 3rd report made, and my sister had a small mess because that's what kids do, she's on the spot again. Everything is well, I just hate this unwanted company. Strangers knocking on the door give me a heart attack from what it was like the first time.



My sister is a brat. She'd raise her hand to her mother. Yeah. I'd never do that. They always find something to pick on us about. I'm like a second parent and my sister will never see it that way. They sure do though. It sucks.



We don't have much, we have each other. Most family members have died of cancer in the past. We don't see the one other close relative much.. Once a year if lucky. I bet he thinks we're shit anyway. I don't know. I hope he never reads this. I love what little I have and wouldn't want to piss him off. :/



We're so fucked. I feel as if the world is on my shoulders and I can't help myself. Hell, the only way to help me would have been to go into a shelter as a hobo just so that my name wouldn't appear on any legal papers. My name has been for about 3 times now. An amount of time from when I was only 18. Fuck, I ain't even allowed to have a man. Not that I'm not but any adult here gets blamed for shit. I'm fucked because it's just not my moms fault for all this shit. She's not healthy to take care of everything. That's why I stay, like the noble fucked retard that I am. I don't even get out much. When I do it's to do things for the family. I love them to death. I don't want to be alone. That's why everything scares me.



I don't even know what to type anymore. I suppose this is when any sane person prays to God that everything will turn out well, eh?

Well, I'm damed.

I have VR, which is on a computer, and I have shelter, food, water, junk. I'm good in the end. In fact I'm pretty damn thankful.



Here's to hope that the end of the day goes well when unwanted company is around.

I'm scared about tomorrow and I could use a hug along with the words
06:34 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 969


It's all going to be okay.



._.

17:04 Feb 05 2012
Times Read: 986

Kitty won't leave me alone today, hehe. It's even hard to type. xD She surprised me with kisses when she brushed up against my leg this morning. She's on my lap right now giving m face kisses. It tickles. lol



Medusa also wants tons of petting. :P Belly rubs, all of that good stuff. I think I'm the only one she even lets belly rub her. Don't know where all this forced attention wanting is coming from but I sure love it. :3

13:36 Feb 05 2012
Times Read: 1,000

When everyone keeps throwing the D word at you then you can't help but begin to believe them. I'll still deny it.

07:22 Feb 05 2012
Times Read: 1,009

That moment where you totally forgot that you weren't supposed to be with anyone during this situation...



-Sigh-



Not like I haven't broken those rules before. :/ It'll just be tricky and I hope nothing happens in the summer.

23:49 Feb 04 2012
Times Read: 1,015

You made me happy all day. :) Not with anything cheesy too. lol I mean, you really cared enough. :3



Even got some cool songs stuck in my head.



I know it's overrated to say but I don't think I would have done well without VR. Thanks, everyone who cheered me up. :)



Hah, I still say he's a tease 'cause god damn, I love the way his humor is on my level.



Things at home are okay. I cursed someone out, but it's okay. Not the best, not the worst, yet. Dooms day later on in the week.



Found out that I won't be seeing family this month. Bummer, dude.

13:49 Feb 04 2012
Times Read: 1,024

For any of you wondering about my past few entries well, it's just crazy out of the moment panic mumbling. Panic attacks aren't the most mature thing, nor are they any helpful with a situation. I over worry, over think and it's for the best too.





What happened is... hmm, this is hard for me to write out so you still might not really understand. I love my sister. She's the baby of the family and as the oldest kid, I respect that. I'm mothering. We never had much but we always had each other. When something happens to someone you care about most, you tend to maybe lose it. Love can make you do crazy things and yet, I dug my nails into my hand and gave a false smile to the people we had to talk to.



It killed me inside. I don't want a repeat of two years ago. Ideally, I should have done something crazy like run away to a hobo shelter and not have had my name on records of where I was innocent. But, it's VR which makes me stay. VR's drama is nothing compared to life. Vr lets me laugh.



No, I don't have a life, I'm nothing but a mothering loser, but in the end I can still hold my honor. They'll have her over my dead body. Not going to let you go again, kid.

07:43 Feb 04 2012
Times Read: 1,031

I don't know what to do anymore, at least this makes me have a decent sleep. heh. Can't run to clear my name because it won't be worth it. I'll stay, she'll end up going but, I can't take this well. Poor girl must feel it worse but I've snapped. There is no more hiding it. I ain't feeling well, in a whole other way.



Maybe I'll have to talk it over with someone, or I could wait it out and feel better after. Depends.

02:55 Feb 04 2012
Times Read: 1,034

You don't know what you once had until you've lost it...



Just a few days could mean the ending to (How can I put this without it sounding like someone died, because they didn't?) seeing someone for a very long time. Someone who you grew up with. That close a family member. Oh well.



>___-

01:26 Feb 04 2012
Times Read: 1,041

FML. :(



Case reported again. All I want to do is cry or have a fit. I hate my neighbors so much. These past years have torn me apart. And now. I thought I could be happy, but now. I just don't know anymore. Fuckin' hate this.



Meh, I hate seeing my names on those papers. RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA. Nothing to do but get fucked by the system because of false reports.



Yes, this is me being one sad son of a bitch. Deal with it.



I did make my page though, so yeah, enjoy I guess.



I just need to... calm down a bit.

19:24 Feb 03 2012
Times Read: 1,047

I want to draw a joke but it's going to be so, so wrong, yet, funny. A comedian has to take chances, even if it means laughing at herself in order to get a laugh out of others. Hmm, I just hope people don't take it to heart. 'Cause it's something I've said before, just with a new disturbing twist. :P



The idea is set but the paper is blank, here goes nothing!

15:29 Feb 03 2012
Times Read: 1,050

I applied for another job. Got the name of the place thanks to a fellow coven member, Reverend. That's one of the things I love about this site. You can get advice from friendly people and maybe it'll change your life for the best. :P



Well, I try not to have hope for these job things but blah, gotta have a little hope when you're trying your hardest to stay positive in hard times.



It's for a security position. I wanted that because it looks easy for decent pay. Not the best thing or my dream but good enough.



In the mean time, I'll be working on my artwork. I want to make a collection of my projects of recent days and maybe make a page for it like I had for other works.



I sort of wish I could pawn off these pieces. :/ I don't really save my work well. I end up trashing it, losing it, the usual. Even giving it away would sound grand... but, I'd rather pawn it off. lol

12:43 Feb 01 2012
Times Read: 1,077

Lets be honest. How many people become paranoid after events that occurred? The random searches, the details, anything that could go wrong, can go wrong.



I haven't been feeling too well. Couldn't stand to see light. Got an annoying nose bleed, not to mention the head aches that would last all day long. Made me want to sleep forever. (Mother joked that I was a vampire now, hah.)



I was googling symptoms like any paranoid idiot who doesn't like the doctors and got all sorts of false accusations. From brain cancer to anemia and loads of things. xD I was like FUUUUU Bad internet! Srsly, you'll even find people trying to tell others it's a brain tumor. See this link. It was like, "Oh wow, don't want to be like one of those members. Heh." That wouldn't be anything to joke about and besides, who wants it?



I know most of the "yahoo answers" pages are a joke but it's better than what I found on any health site. xD



I needed more to drink so that fixed up the nose bleed and I googled more about the head ache and fixed myself up. Found something about having pulled your neck and how it can harm someone into having the rest of my symptoms. Massaged my neck and boom, no more feeling sick. Remember when I wrote about my morbid nightmare and woke up with a sore neck? That's when I started with these symptoms. All healthy now. :D



Boy, I'm always a stiff person. o.o If someone went to massage me I bet I'd purr like a kitten. lol